“Please stand up and tell the class something about yourself: your name, your family, your hometown, your work experience, and one fun fact about yourself.”
Fuck that. If I tell you my name, I’m looking at some rather unpleasant things when I start advocating the violent overthrow of the U.S. Government ( free speech my ass).
I used to be in the circus
I have been witness to not one, but two airplane crashes
I have, in the past, worked for one of those three letter government agencies that’s made news in recent years for doing some rather constitutionally unsavory things.
Despite above, I am a card-carrying member of the ACLU.
I am of the descriptivist school of lexicography, which you will soon learn the hard way. (I am a devout autodidact, and while in moments of moral lapse I do floccinaucinihilpilificate hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobes, I certainly think it’s important to eschew obfuscation, and to the end of both, I think some linguistic gymnastics are in order)
I think it’s fun to be an ass to our translator (see above)
I make six digits a year (pre-tax), but I live next to the local homeless shelter。
Other things within 500 ft of my house that make living here an exercise in immersive anthropology: The saturday night transexual prostitutes, the guy openly peeing on the 7-11, the 8 taxi drivers who’ve been stabbed to death, and the meth-head who put her baby in the washing machine. Seriously, google the phrase “DO NOT put any person in this washer”.
I once met an honest-to-god foreign intelligence operative, although he was not very good at his job.
Aaaaand if you’ve ever met me, you already know who I am. That’s fine, by time I devolve to the level of crazy where I’m trying to incite revolution and you need to report me to gummint, or you need to have me kicked out of the ACLU for getting employed to do everything contrary to what you believe, I’ll be writing somewhere else, using levels of encryption and anonymization exclusively reserved for crazy people. (PGP should have an option where you check a box entitled “I believe in UFOs” which automatically sets your encryption to 131072 bits)